I'm sharing this in response to several messages from friends who are having trouble with Whit's passing as it relates to their faith, I love them dearly.

My family and I have received so many encouraging messages and comments that it is a bit overwhelming...in a very good way. But, speaking for myself, I must confess that I have been bitter. I have been angry. The live oak in my front yard bears a few heel marks from the times when I could not make Whit's pain go away. For weeks I couldn't even listen to Christian radio as I lacked the will or desire to praise God. I felt neither blessed nor highly favored. I lost my "song". I feared that if I lost Whitney, I could never really sing a song of praise again. And, if I did, I would have to "fake it" so my brothers and sisters in Christ would not worry about me, I even strongly considered resigning my position as a church board member as I felt I was losing my compassion, During the worst times, the only way to maintain your ability to function as a caregiver is to somehow "unplug" your compassion for your loved one...not react to the awful pain they are feeling, or find the strength to turn them in their bed to avoid bedsores knowing it is you who is inflicting the pain. If you aren't careful, you can become indifferent to everyone's pain.
But something happened the morning Dr. Saylors came in to give us the dreaded news. At the worst possible moment of all the "worst possible moments", God gave me peace...not a little, but total. It is said that we can find peace as Christians. But I say that peace seeks us out--His peace finds us. We only have to let it in. And I know it's real for even in her pain, even in her last hours, throughout the visitation and funeral... I had that peace. What was most remarkable was that after the funeral, as we sat around the living room, Ryan and Patrick walked in discussing how they experienced that same overwhelming sense of peace as Whit was laid to rest.
I am blessed and highly favored. I held my beautiful daughter for over 28 years. Many parents have never known the wonder of holding their unborn children. I was able to say goodbye to my daughter--to drink her in for a full year. Many never had a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones who were taken too quickly. I have no regrets. Many have lost loved ones before making things right. I have two beautiful grandchildren who are part of who she was. And, most importantly, I know she is in heaven. If you are a Christian, tell your loved ones often that you are --to quote Whitney-- "Good to go". If you are not a Christian, consider listening to what your heart tells you when you all other noises are silent.
So, there you have it---I ain't "all that". But, I think it's okay to get angry with God. He's a big guy. Just never allow yourself to become indifferent to God. So, if you see me singing a song of praise, I ain't faking it. I got my song back. And you guys have everything to do with that.
I hope this helped someone out there as much as so many out there have helped me.

Thanks, Stacy Hardee
Too sleepy to proofread.

Our family would like to thank you all for your constant prayers, love and support for Whitney over the last year. Not only did you share in the light of her faith and courage, but you shared the burden of her darkest days.  So many times when she would retire to her room--our best efforts at lifting her up having crumbled under the weight of our own heavy hearts-she would pick up her phone or laptop and almost instantly be elevated by your messages, responses and phone calls. Whitney touched so many lives only because you allowed her into your hearts.  You didn't join her on her journey so much as allowing her to join each of you on your own personal, unique journey as we all face life's battles.  You were her army. An army of God that appeared out of the bleak horizon and carried her  when she could not carry herself.  Now she has finished her tour. Not without injury or scars, but with a final victory nonetheless. Now we turn our hearts back to the battleground that we so easily forget is raging. Not only to comfort others in need, but to take new ground in faith and courage. We have all gained ground.  We have all grown by the light of her love for Christ--a love light that only radiated more and more... even in the last hours.

Try not to question or doubt  why Whitney was not healed in this life.  Our faith and whether we believe in God's power can not rest on her shoulders. Only Christ could carry that burden.  Whitney's purpose may have been just to confirm in our hearts what we already know to be true.  Only by faith can we embrace the miracle of Christ and the power of His blood.  And only by letting our light shine can we  realize the  fullness of the joy of sharing that miracle. Thank you, Stacy Hardee

Update

Good news, bad news!  The bad news is, the last chemo regimen I was on...kicked my butt and the cancer progressed.  I had to be admitted into the hospital twice within 3 weeks time.  The good news is, I'm feeling much better now!  I am on a new regimen that I believe is working, and we are searching for clinical trials where I might be a promising candidate.  A friend of mine had me meet a wonderful man of God who prayed over me. He told me I had to leave expecting something to happen.  Well I am expecting!  I am full of hope and happiness and I believe I am going to get my healing.  We can't always be on the mountain top, there are valleys to travel through as well. I am not alone though.  I am at peace and I am held.  God is good!

Please do not be concerned as I do not post here often. I am no where near the end of my life and my quality of life is great.  I am just spending the majority of my time with my children, my family, getting lots of rest and doing whatever makes me happy!  I do not enjoy spending too much time behind the computer screen, although I am still very active on facebook.  I will post here when I have updates and time or if God places a message on my heart.  God bless you all!!

Update

Hi yall!  I apologize for not posting lately.  Honestly, I just haven't felt up to it.  I just had my second round of the new chemo regimen on Tuesday and it's been agreeable this time!  The chemo pills made me sick, so we switched to a 46 hour drip from a pump and while it's a bit of a pain to be hooked up for 2 days, it's not that bad.  My only problem now is the pain.  When we get this tumor shrinking and the pain disappears I will feel normal again!  This chemo doesn't make me tired, or effect my blood counts the way the harsher chemo did.  No scans scheduled for a while, we're going to give this chemo time to do it's thing.  God is still in control!  Thank you for your prayers.

Update: God is My Strength

Just posting a little update, as a lot has been going on during the last few weeks!  My little man, Luke, is now ONE year old.  My sweet girl, Taylor, will be starting the first grade on Thursday.  We took a vacation to Pigeon Forge a couple of weeks ago.  I love the mountains and our cabin was gorgeous.  We had to cut our stay short, however, because I started having intense pain in my ribs.  We drove 7 hours and went straight to the emergency room at Trident, so I could be checked for blood clots.  A chest CT and X-ray revealed that my chest was totally clear.  No clots, no tumors.  But there was a new 3 cm tumor on my liver.  Only the top of my liver was visible with the chest CT, so my oncologist ordered a PET scan to see if there was anymore cancer activity.  The PET scan revealed good news and bad news.  The good news is the cancer in my lungs is completely gone, the lymph nodes in my belly are fine, it's just the one tumor on my liver and the lymph nodes around my liver.  While it is disappointing that I didn't achieve a long remission, I am so, so happy that we're not dealing with a widespread cancer anymore.

Today I have started a new chemo regimen.  I'll have an infusion of oxaliplatin every 21 days and take capecitabine (a chemo pill) twice a day for 14 days.   Then I'll have a week off before my next infusion.  My oncologist felt this would be the most effective regimen for me because we believe that my cancer may have started somewhere in my gastrointestional tract.  We can't be sure though.  My daughter and I prayed this morning that God will work through this chemo and kill all lingering cancer.  I've had a rough time of it for these last few weeks and I am so ready to feel good again!

You know, when you lay there with very little strength in your body.  The devil will take that opportunity to tell you that you are weak.  You are only what your body is physically capable of.  However, this couldn't be further from the truth.  Our strength comes from within, and God is within us.  Yes our bodies may let us down, but God never will.  God is our strength and our hope.  I have hope for a future without cancer.  There is no need to worry about the time, God is always on time.  I need only be still and wait.

Chemo Break Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks! I have been super busy with my children, and loving every minute of it :). My Luke, who will be one in less than 3 weeks, does not like Mommy to have much computer time unless he is banging on the keyboard!

So I have been on chemo break for a month now. I had a few days where I was ready to take on the world, and then I quickly learned that I need to take things a bit slower. I'm beginning to have much more energy and I am feeling more like myself before chemo. I had a great follow up appointment on Wednesday. Nothing new happened of course, it was just a follow up, but I asked some questions I had been afraid to bring up before and I feel so much better after talking about it. I had been having some pain in my back and through my ribs for a couple of weeks, but it is gone now, so my doc feels sure that it is just from the chemo I was on. It does take quite a while for it to get out of your system, and also I carry Luke around all the time and he's heavy.

I asked if my situation has changed in the grand scheme of things since I first walked in the door and she said YES. I asked if my "5 years" was maybe looking like more and she said YES. I've responded really well to treatment and chemotherapy has come so far in the last 5 years, there will certainly be new improvements in the future. I know that God is my healer and I believe I am healed by His power. And I also know that only God knows when my life here will end...but it sure felt good to hear that from my oncologist that day. I have struggled while in that pain. Satan took the opportunity to attack and to be honest, I cried almost every time I looked at my children because all I could think about was things turning for the worst and having to leave them. There were moments when I felt like I had failed in my faith, but looking back, I don't believe that is true. I am human and we cannot comprehend God's understanding. I'm His and He knows my heart. He is mine, and I know He holds my future. What a comforting fact, right?

My cousin and I have been doing laps around the ballfield near my house. Today we decided to take on the Cooper River Bridge and we made it across and back! We got up early because we live an hour away, and walked a total of 5.5 miles. The view was beautiful and so was the experience. I'm certain we will be feeling that walk tomorrow! Also, my hair is growing super fast. I wake up every morning looking like a cockatoo and it's awesome. My sweet Taylor is getting ready to start the 1st grade, and my sweet Luke is beginning to take steps. I am so overwhelmed with how blessed I am! God is so good! He never ceases to amaze me with His grace. More soon :).

Defeating Giants

I went for walk this evening and I was able to jog a little more than last time.  I get so overwhelmed with gratitude during moments like these.  I am just so grateful for the strength and the energy to do what I want.  I do not take these victories lightly.  We all want this.  We all want to win our battle and we all want to not only live, but have a good quality of life.  Many are not able to experience this.

On my walk I noticed a small bird chasing off a much larger bird and I thought of David in the Bible.  We all know the story I’m talking about.  David was not some great warrior.  But he was brave and he had an amazing faith in God.  When David informed Saul that he needn’t worry about the Philistine giant, Saul said to him “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.”  But David was confident.  He had fought off lions and bears while watching his father’s sheep and he declared, “The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”  We know how the story ends.  David took down the big bad giant with a stone.  He wore no armor.  He had no sword, no spear.  He had faith and a stone and he gave God all the glory.

I want to be like David.  I want to stand in front of my giant and proclaim that it is defeated.  I want to be fearless because I know my God will rescue me from my circumstances.  He’s never failed before, He will not fail now.  God never changes.  He is the same now as He was in the biblical times.  He is still working miracles and showing us His grace.  It’s just not as advertised as all the negative things going on in the world today.  I’ve said it a million times…God is bigger than any of this!